Finding Your Passion Takes Practice
When I was young, I was always busy, always learning. I played instruments — the piano and the oboe — not necessarily because I chose to, but I was strongly encouraged. And I got good at them. Through this, I was able to have incredible experiences: making friends, travelling, experiencing culture. But I didn’t really enjoy the practice of playing — the work, the stress, the discipline that went with it. Of course I didn’t — who does? But in hating all that, I didn’t connect that it was the discipline that unlocked all these other great experiences that actually made up my life.
I carried on playing these instruments for a little while after it was no longer forced. I chose to do it, but I lacked the discipline to truly commit to practicing. Once the opportunity came for me to stop, it felt liberating. For a little while at least. But once I was free of the discipline of practice, I quickly lost the other elements that I loved — the community, the success, the sense of achievement. Once I lost the discipline in this area of my life, it was easy to lose discipline in other areas. And once you lose it, it’s hard to get back.
I recently bought a piano because I wanted to rekindle my love of playing, but it wasn’t the same because, with lack of practice, I wasn’t good anymore, and the joy was gone. I occasionally get my oboe out, but it’s not a solo instrument — it’s meant to be played in an orchestra. It’s a social instrument and I miss that social element. Without regularly practicing though, I’ve lost the confidence of playing in front of others.
By losing the ability to play, I realised I’d also lost my sense of self. I’d spent so long building up that part of me, and committed so much time to it for a period of my life, that when it was gone I didn’t know what to replace it with.
As I’ve lost the passion for this and other creative pursuits, I’ve realised I’ve lost the discipline to even pursue them. Feeling in a creative mood rarely happens for me these days. But although I don’t feel in the mood for being creative, I don’t really feel in the mood for anything. I feel empty a lot of the time, and lacking any sense of purpose. The saying that success is 10% talent, 90% hard work is true. I didn’t truly connect with this idea when I was younger. Or even as I got older. Even though my boyfriend’s mantra that constantly rings in my ears is pretty much that: ‘Commitment. Discipline’.
I always thought of that mantra as only being relevant once you’ve started something — it takes commitment and discipline to get to the end. But lately, I’ve struggled to even start. I stopped feeling worthy of being creative, of trying to produce something worthwhile, because I believed it should come naturally to me. I thought I should have a passionate urge to create something specific, and that would be all I needed to create something great. It’s only now that I know, to be successful in any pursuit — even in finding a passion — is 90% hard work. To get to a point of enjoyment, of feeling passionate about anything worthwhile, first takes discipline.
So I’m going to be disciplined from now on. I will not wait until I feel the urge to do something, because that doesn’t happen often enough. I’m going to commit to my pursuit of creativity, and hopefully I’ll feel myself come back.
Photo by Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash
